Anger

Created By: Paul Whyte on 08/13/97 at 03:17 PM
Category: Emotional Discharge

If you have not read the article on "getting started with men", read that first or the rest of this will not make much sense to you

Anger is the feeling you can have when things don't go the way you want. Its usually the result of injustice. When a young person experiences injustice not only do they often feel angry but usually also sad and scared as well. It is not simple when things go wrong. Men and women usually get raised to do quite different things with feelings and especially with anger. Often girls will not be allowed to express anger while boys will have anger as the only emotion that OK to show openly. This has to make a mess of relationships between men and women latter on.

For traditional men especially, we have been allowed to be angry but not anything else. Anger is the emotion men can have when your not allowed to show emotions and for some men even have any other emotions. It is the relationship with the rest of your emotions that becomes much more important for traditional men to find themselves and have a good life. When your talking about traditional men and anger the other important ingredient to get straight is numbness and going crazy. For the most traditional men the range that is available is angry or numb. There is of course the usual quiet dispare that pervaids the culture but I'm talking about big feels when things go wrong not just the day to day stuff. Numb can get to have a lot going for it if anger is the only alternative available. Its a sign of mental health to not have very much painful emotion clogging up a guys life.

Anger is the emotion that confuses people the most.
Anger by its self is a light emotion that is easy to feel. There is a simple counselling technique to help anger discharge, it is delight. If you are able to be delighted with an angry friend, it can really help them heal. Anger comes is short sharp flashes or sharp jerky movements, stamping of feet, angry indignant sounds, and hot sweats. The problem that everyone has with anger is that it is seldom a simple emotion. Except for infants anger is a mix of other stronger and often hidden emotions. It also come with a lot of underlying grief and fear in adults that completely take over what someone is feeling angry about. If an angry person is going through some thing that they think is anger but is just stays for more than about 15 seconds they are also scared and probably sad. If it does not come in short bursts they have their anger full of underlying emotions. The key to being able to work with anger is being able to work with the underlying fears or grief's So long as the fear and grief remain hidden the anger just does not give. The person can get stuck just rehearsing angry feeling and not getting anywhere for years.

For many men anger is what they feel or they feel nothing. Angry all the time is such an abandonded isolated state to go through life in! Good mates who are able to hangin with each other can make such a big difference in most men's lives. When it comes to the emotional work you just don't get to release the anger until the underlying grief and fear has been worked through. Anger is the recording of injustice. It takes the making of justice to heal anger. Most people have been reaching for anger as a way of feeling better about injustice. The culture sets us up to want to rage about injustice. For many people they are just not able to reach their anger. It is some how removed from them. For others anger is in everything that they say or do and it just does not get any better no matter how much they do it.

It really does help people who have felt victimized to try and get angry. For many men and some women anger is so familiar that there really is no growth for them in trying to use it at all. Connection and love work better as something to reach for.

What I have found shifts things the fastest for guys with angry feelings is at large workshops with lots of experienced guys around to get a bunch of men absorb forceful shoves and yells. It's a bit like football but just for getting stuff out. To be able to show hidden stuff openly where you know that no one will be harmed or confused can be a very important step forwards.

Men having good male friends regularly in your life makes many things possible. To have a good life as a male I see this building up of male to male friendships as very important. To be able to have injustice corrected, work through feeling of anger and move on to a good life its having friends that are solid and well trained allows it all to happen.

Paul Whyte

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